Tony most likely spends most of his days building to distract himself and keep himself busy and then at night is when he crumbles like dust, drinking, staring at the ceiling, trying not to think of the boy he’s come to think of as his
He can barely think of the fact that the newest spidersuit is still in his lab, a few blueprints of updates he’d wanted to put into it torn into pieces because there was no Spider-Man anymore and the suit was basically useless now.
Nobody else will ever be Spider-Man. There’s only one in the world and he’s 6 feet under right now.
And Peter just sorta sits there sometimes as Tony works because Tony usually talks a lot and makes a bunch of jokes or listens to some classic rock to keep the mood light but now he’s dead silent.
And it’s not just him not talking, it’s like his very being is silent. His eyes are hollow and his body is tense and he has a look he gives everyone who tries to talk to him until they leave. It’s like he’s shut everyone out for some reason.
And that includes Peter, apparently.
“Mr Stark? Are you still mad at me? I know I should have sat the last mission out like you said, and I’m sorry for not listening, but I wish you would just talk to me. Yell at me, scold me, take away the suit if you want. This silent treatment is killing me. Please?“
“I mean, nothing bad happened, Mr Stark, I’m still here, you know?”
Peter leaving with a sigh when he realizes that Tony isn’t going to answer him.
Tony doesn’t hear him and as the days pass by with Tony ignoring him, Peter begins to break.
“Please, Mr Stark, it’s been like two weeks now, I already said I’m sorry. Is there something I can do to make you not mad anymore?”
“Mr Stark, do you remember when we used to grab ice cream after school when it was a bad day? You have a flavor named after you, right? Do you think I’ll ever get one named after me?”
Tony makes sure that Peter does get a fucking ice cream named after him and an acknowledgment of all his work and good deeds. Tony builds a statue to Peter even though it feels wrong to have it say “In memory of”. Tony makes sure that all of Queens knows who their hero was and how he was in real life.
“Mr Stark? Are you drinking again? Do you want to talk about what’s wrong?”
“Mr Stark, you’re the only one I have left, please-”
“Mr Stark…”
And Peter only figures it out one day when Rhodey comes to talk to Tony and they get into an argument that he overhears. “Tony you have to get some help. I know you’re having some trouble right now, and that’s okay, but you can’t just sit here wasting away-” “don’t. Don’t do that, Rhodey, don’t give me that talk. I can’t. I’m not ready, alright?” “Tony, it’s been a couple of months, please-” “YOU WEREN’T THE ONE WHO LOST A SON, RHODEY. HE WAS MY SON AND I LOST HIM. HE WAS ALL I HAD AND- AND- AND I-” and Tony finally lets himself break, leaning into Rhodey for the strength he doesn’t have and finally, Peter understands.
Slowly he remembers what happened, how it felt like, his mind screaming danger and his senses going into overdrive trying to fix what was wrong. Except it couldn’t be fixed.
And he goes to Mr Stark, of course, because nobody else is there.
“Mr Stark? I know you can’t hear me but I’m scared. I’m really, really scared, Mr Stark. I shouldn’t be, I’m an Avenger now, I know. But… I don’t- I don’t underst- I never wanted to- I never thought-” and he’d break into sobs, finally understanding that this is his life now and he’s terrified because he doesn’t want to live eternity like this, unseen, unheard, alone, afraid. “Mr Stark I’m scared. I should have listened to you. I shouldn’t have gone when you said not to. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry I let you down, Mr Stark.”
And then one day, Tony hears him.
Maybe it’s a psychic or some magic man. Maybe it’s Dr Strange who finally tells him he has a boy following him around, and he casts a spell to make Peter semi-corporeal.
And then Tony hears him and sees him and he just falls to his knees and holds Peter even though he’s colder than steel and feels like clouds.
“Pete, kid, I’m so sorry-” “Mr Stark, sir, I’m so sorry-” and they’d both be apologizing to each other and crying and holding each other.
So when Tony goes into battle, he wouldn’t be afraid. “I got an angel watching over me” and he’d send a wink to Peter. And he’d kick some ass and go home to the team who doesn’t even bat an eye at the ghost boy climbing their ceiling and sticking to walls. They don’t react when they see Tony staring too hard at Peter. And they definitely don’t say anything when they see how Tony’s hands shake from time to time.
There are some things in life you just accept and Tony learns about saying goodbye.
But when Tony dies, he’s not scared because Peter is there with a smile and a “I waited so long, Mr Stark, I missed you! I made some friends, come on, I’ll introduce you.”
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